April 9—My application for leave of absence, to be with my wife during “an important crisis” returns “disapproved!” It was approved by regiment, brigade and division commanders but “disapproved” by corps commander, T. J. Jackson. I felt no bitterness toward him, as he was conscientious. I think he had never seen his only child, Julia. He set great store on the presence and services of chaplains among the soldiers. He knew the campaign would soon open, and he wanted chaplains to be on hand to care for the wounded and dying. He and others must trust their wives in God’s hands and he thought chaplains ought.
“Respectfully forwarded disapproved, T. J. Jackson.”
Whatever “Stonewall” disapproved we might expect Gen. Lee to disapprove. My heart sank within me when I read the short, last entry: “Respectfully returned disapproved by order of Gen. R. E. Lee.” My diary gives some of the cries of my heart in that sad hour.