April, Sunday 10, 1864
Oh! what a relief to the weary, aching brain, when there seems naught for which to live; when this beautiful earth holds no joy; when the glorious sunsets, with their rose tinted clouds have no beauty; when our lifes barks seem drifting ceaselessly on, and we are powerless for good or ill—oh! what a relief to lie down, and closing our eyes, forget it all. To feel that at least while we slumber the scorpion-sting of memory is robbed of it’s poison,—the goading, burning lash of human thought stayed,—and then comes a day, glareing again,—and so it goes on to the bitter end. We are all alike in this wicked human world. Let us strive as we will to soar above it, at last it all comes back to us—human hearts full of passion, love, and beauty—full of sin, sorrow, and suffering; the world overflowing with good and ill. Sometimes in life our value is appreciated, and we can claim true, affectionate, friends,—meet with lofty, generous souls, whose very beings thrill with instinctive love for the whole human race; but mostly we are not understood until the flowers and shadowy, green grass bloom and fade above us, and we lie mute below. Such is my life, how long it must be, no matter, God in his own good time will brighten my life. A beautiful day. Col. Perkins and Jimmie Greer spent the day with us, Helen & Nannie came home. I finished Corinthians—Father and all of us sat in the Parlor after tea. Laura & Bettie said a very good lesson. I am as usual alone, my two companions fast in slumber. God grant peace, we humbly crave, give us our liberty and make us a christian land. God bless my Brothers—